This is negotiation for the real world.
An FBI hostage negotiator giving hands-on advice about how to negotiate is not to be dismissed. There are plenty of books and courses on what a negotiation is, how it should be conducted and what success might look like. Author Chris Voss has taken all of the theory and put it into practice in the real world. He pushes back against some ideas that are considered a standard for negotiation. Like BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). Voss makes the point that if he is dealing with a hostage taker, that has 2 hostages, negotiating down to getting 1 out safely is not an option. Obviously in the business world, it is most likely not a life or death situation. Voss says that regardless of the situation, there is never a need to leave money on the table, you must Never Split the Difference.
Be a Mirror – Don’t commit to assumptions. Reflect back what they have said. Slow it down. Smile.
Don’t feel their pain, label it – Use ‘Tactical Empathy’ – see it from their point of view. Focus on clearing the barriers to agreement first. Say the worst things about yourself before they do. Remember they want to be understood and appreciated.
Beware ‘Yes’ – Master ‘No’ – Don’t push them to say ‘yes’ – it makes them defensive. ‘No’ often just means ‘tell me more’ – keep this in mind. If talks stall – ask a questions that invokes a ‘no’ answer. e.g. ‘Have you given up on this project?’
‘That’s Right’ – ‘Thats right’ is better than yes. strive for it. This will create breakthroughs. Use a summary to trigger a ‘That’s right’.
Bend Their Reality – People want to avoid loss more than they want a ‘gain’. Remind them of what they stand to lose. Ensure to explore their definition of ‘Fair’ if/when they use it. It is an emotional word used to gain concessions. Don’t fall for it.
Create the Illusion of control – Ask questions beginning with how or what. Avoid questions that start with ‘why’. This will always seem like an accusation. When you are attacked, bite your tongue. Remember to influence the team behind the person in front of you.
Guarantee Execution – Ask how, know how and define how. This is the classic ‘next steps’ at the end of a useful meeting. Listen to pronouns. I, me and my – power lies elsewhere. We, they, them – power is in front of you Use your own name to be seen as human. Humour and humanity break ice.
Bargain hard – Take a punch to give a punch. The guy across the table is not the problem, the situation is. Prepare, prepare, prepare.
